Story Time

**€Sir Severed** · February 6, 2021

This happened an hour ago, currently relaxing in bed with the boyfriend.

Because we work together we come home together, and neither wants to wait their turn so we've decided why not just take showers together, plus it saves water, apparently. We are not cheap, just saying.

Today was all the same. Wake up, go to work, come home, and shower. But not even military training would've prepared me for what was about to unfold. My sweet himbo of a boyfriend is lactose intolerant. He does not care and continues to eat lactose and has the most gut-wrenching, eye tearing, vomit-inducing poops, and farts. Today it was a coworker's goodbye party and she brought a tres leches cake, which is a 3 milk cake. And him being the clueless man that would trade me for cake, he takes a HUGE piece. And it hit him hard. It hit him while we were showering.

Most of us know that in the shower the smell after you fart is so much more intense. Now, this is where shit happens, literally. After being under the shower for about 5 or more minutes the tiny bathroom is filled with steam and my boyfriend while shampooing my hair exclaims loudly and lets out the longest, loudest stinkiest fart that I've ever had displeasure of experiencing and runs to the toilet, holding his ass.

You would think someone was cutting trees with a chainsaw because holy shit it was so loud my mouth dropped and I could TASTE the disgusting gas that was once a tasty tres leches cake. I started heaving and gagging which became worse after this huge man nestled on a tiny toilet dropped what you would think was a nuclear bomb. It was: Wet, loud, and smelly to the point of me almost throwing up on the spot. I instead rushed to the sink that was right next to the toilet that I kind of felt bad for, and started just projectile vomiting my breakfast, lunch, and the tres leches cake that will be gone but not forgotten.

Every time I inhaled, the absolute nuclear shit fumes hit me like an 8 wheeler and I kept vomiting harder and harder. This whole fiasco ended up in me almost passing out and my poor boyfriend who couldn't stop shitting his absolute blood, sweat, and tears out could not do much to help except shit more. And more.

We ended up taking separate cold showers and airing out the windowless bathroom by opening the bathroom door and the front door which gave us weird looks but I'd rather not die and have "Death by poot" on my gravestone.

TL;DR: Me and my lactose-intolerant boyfriend took a shower together after he ate a milk cake at work and him shitting his soul out almost made me pass out.