Kids

[Da Bazz 715]

We are all adults here so I think we can have this discussion. If you find it to personal / intrusive no biggy I understand that completely.

 

In the west I've seen people say that they don't want kids because it either costs to much money, to much attention or even because they don't want their kids to grow up into a 'broken' society. Recently I saw an interview where a bold claim was made: you can't truly grow up if you have never had kids. The reasoning is that it's hard to grow up if nobody is more important than yourself. In a healthy relationship the kid instantly becomes the most important 'thing' in the household. It's like in the films, the parents suddenly have to become mature and have to become responsible. This is very hard because often your life gets flipped upside down and this sometimes sudden change is why relationships break upon discovering the pregnancy. I can get behind this statement because even though I have matured greatly over the past few years I still don't have any real responsibility over anything or anyone than myself. However I do think you can somewhat get that responsibility if you take up a mentor role at work or in a community. But I don't think that is at the same level as having kids, I think that the responsibility over a kid transcends all other responsibilities. 

 

Personally my biggest dream is to have kids. To have them run around, teach them all sort of things, to see them grow up and of course to train them in the arts of Runescape warring. Unfortunately I haven't had the opportunity yet (you will have your recruits soon @true I promise, they will be of high quality ). I want kids because I want to love and care for something so much that I would die for it to be safe, to be happy and to see them grow up and prosper. I like being responsible and I think there's no bigger challenge then having your own kids. I know some here already have kids or are in a relationship where having kids has probably been discussed.

 

So my questions are:

If you have kids:

• Have your kids changed you in any way? And if so, how? Did you become more mature or had more agency to become mature?
• What is the best thing about having kids?
• What is the worst thing about having kids?

If you don't have kids:

• Would you like to have kids?
• Why yes / no?

If you don't want kids:

• Why don't you want kids?

 

For the trolls I have a bonus question: If you have kids but don't want them, why?

[≈Nick 594]

no kids yet, but yes eventually I'd like at most 2 kids. 

 

Edited April 5, 2021 by Nick

[Adam_ 1,059]

If you don't have kids:

• Would you like to have kids? If i'm with someone i'm as sure as I can be that i'll be with for the long run and don't think the kids will ruin our relationship, yes.
• Why yes / no? I'm not against having kids but am very much against broken families and bringing kids into the world without a proper family. That isn't a shot at single parents, of course single parents can be great. But there's no doubt some things that can have an effect on the kid, especially considering the strong likelihood that if the parents aren't together, and both of them are still alive, they're likely to start seeing other people at some point. I've seen a lot of drama unfold with friends who were couples or friends who dated people that already had kids with this reason, usually because the parents don't get along for many of the same reasons they are no longer together. Additionally if any form of custody battle were to take place, I don't think that's very pleasant for the kids either. There's just a lot of negative things about a broken family that I wouldn't really want to happen to my kids. Additionally for this same reason i'm very unsure about dating women who have kids already because A. I don't want to be involved in drama and B. If I want kids, i'd prefer them to be my own kids, not someone else's, but who knows how my opinion may change in the future. 

[VirgoVaca 583]

Obviously in my case I only have a couple options for getting kids, but I would probably choose adoption over surrogacy (price and ethically better imo). 
 

kids are something where I would want a well paying job and a stable partner before I even considered. Would probably only want one or two (two would be better so they have each other, I kinda hated being an only child)

[Mk 17 149]

No and yes 

 

maybe one day I can pass on the art of being hench and tanned 

[Dickus 789]

1. No

2. Yes, eventually. Having a kid right now wouldn't be ideal would it. Preferably several years down the line once I've had time to build a nest egg and start a home.

[Vanzant 1,390]

I have a 10 year old stepson. Would like my own someday but ik also okay not having one. 

 

Having a kid hasn't changed me at all. Pretty much been the same guy my whole life. I just try not to be too crazy lol

[≈Flukejiver 1,186]

No kids yet, but I would love to have little fluke(s)running around

Edited April 5, 2021 by Flukejiver

[bomb 145]

no/yes, in a few years though

[Mitch 1,116]

No
No - Never really wanted any of my own to be honest. But if I happened to be in a relationship with a girl who already has some of her own, then I wouldn't be opposed to that. Just my personal choice.

[Martin 42]

If you have kids:

• Have your kids changed you in any way? And if so, how? Did you become more mature or had more agency to become mature?

Yes lots of things i had to stop, like drinking/smoking in front of my son. I did not want him to follow my footsteps coming home late on the weekends all drunk and stuff. Having kids did not mature me but something else did. So if you ever want your partner to change their self, having kids WILL NOT change him or her(i have experienced this myself) so any of you think of that option dont do it. Will cause stress stress stress stress down the line. Im teaching him everything he needs to know like how to love, communicate, manners, respect ya know the major things kids need to learn as soon as they have the ability to learn. I didnt come from a home where there was communication or love, I mean there was a little but not enough. Anyways teaching him skills, talents, or anything is a bonus but the main important thing to teach is values and morals.

• What is the best thing about having kids?

Oof everything from the day they were born. There is so much but i will make it short. My son is 6 years old and he asks so many questions, its unbelievable lol. I have someone to talk to, i ask him how his day goes and conversate with him because i want him to have that trust with me as he gets older like someone to talk to(i never had that with my dad but its never too late, i can talk to him now tell him about my problems and he listens and give advice). We play games together like fortnite, runescape, watch a little anime lol. 

• What is the worst thing about having kids?

there is nothing worst about having kids i have loved every single moment. 

[NarNumbers 202]

Don't have kids but do want some lil eggers down the line. Am okay with not having any as well though because then i can focus my time on other stuff. With that being said, I have heard of adults down the line who did not have kids and ended up regretting it. It does suck that it's a bit time sensitive and the decision to have them have to be made up by a certain age (especially for the woman).

 

Would be okay with adopting as well.

Edited April 5, 2021 by TheEggMan

[Juri 486]

Nope and yes probably, some day. 

[Kura 373]

I'd love to give a home to a couple of kids. Giving them the chance to be born and enjoy the pure bliss that life has to offer is perhaps the most meaningful act of love someone could ever show. Being born in a very poor family myself I've learned to enjoy the simplest things the most. Usually people say that they'll only have kids when they get financially stable in order to give their children more opportunities. Pure bullshit. If you give them love they will love you even if you're homeless. They'll call a home even your one bed apartment because that's where their parents live. They'll smile over an old and broken toy you gave em' because you're their dad/mom. Those are the values worth passing through generations on I'm willing to pass. Sometimes the happier families are the poorest ones; they didn't get the chance to get desensitized by the most superficial things money could buy.

 

Kids are human beings, not just a goal to mark on your life checklist, they are not a precise math equation that only will work if you have accomplished other goals. Desiring to give them the best things available is very decent and honest, but that's on your priorities, not theirs. 

[Ashley 285]

Definitely want to have kids when the time is right. Married, both financially stable, living in a good community, and able to have the time to properly raise them.