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What makes you an asshole in real life?

True 2k8

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1 minute ago, true said:

At least 50+ times I've parked at a gas pump with no intention of getting gas. I would just go inside to buy something and I'm too lazy to reverse.

What a dick move.

Edited by Encore


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When I was like 15, I knew this kid who had a very special talent. At McDonald's back in the day, at least the one near me, they had this little puzzle thing on the counter. And if you won, you got a free Big Mac. It had a little spiral stairway in the center, and was in a tank of water. You had to put in a quarter and spin the staircase thingy just right to get the quarter to go down it properly, and it was one of those things that looked 10x easier than it actually was. So it was definitely a scam in most people's eyes and ate up quarters regularly. However, one day I went in there with a kid who was like a friend of a friend who just happened to be hanging out with us one day. And idk how, but he made this little puzzle thing his bitch. He got the whole crew Big Macs. I ended up taking this kid to McDonald's like almost every day over the summer. Me and my friends were hustling the system and we felt like gods. Then one day we went in and saw that the puzzle was different. Same puzzle, but they took the water out. This ended up stumping the kid and he couldn't beat it anymore. For now. We went back a few times and after about 3 days and probably $10 in quarters, he had mastered it again. We had risen from the ashes. McDonald's could not stop the Big Mac Empire. Then like a week later, and many Big Macs eaten, the entire puzzle was gone. I don't know if other people were as good at that thing as this kid was, but I'm personally responsible for stopping an entire region in my city from ever winning $0.25 Big Macs. 


So to answer your question, I am an asshole because when I see an exploit in the system, I pounce. 

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Oof where to begin, I guess I'll do the 2 areas I'm most toxic lmao



Those snobby customers I troll at work, the attitude I give them, the way I call them out for being inept as openly as I can, the fact sheet I made for FAQs to hand to customers that pretty says stop wasting my fucking time, the way I intentionally lift and go to physically hand customers nearly a hundred pounds in merchandise knowing full well they can't lift it just because they were snobby about it when they asked, multitasking without even making eye contact to the stuck up customers who want my full attention just to treat their questions and requests as insignificant, the way I intentionally pit customers against each other at work, when I am supposed to be typing stuff on the computer for a customer but I am also giving them the death glare in the eyes as I type and they get freaked out and accuse me of not typing when I am, the way that I deal with customer complaints (90% old people complaints) I just called them buddy excessively and then turn their whole complaint around on them or respond with an obscene amount of sarcasm, the way I block peoples numbers on the store phone for any amount of stupidity/time waste they cause me. Whole shit's sloppy but tl;dr I'm just savagely trolling at work all day, but I know what I'm talking about 99.9999999999999999% of them time, so I can never be wrong or cross the point where I can be reprimanded for it because anything I'm trolling about has always been the customers fault, because they're rrrrreeeeeeeeeeeetarrds




Trolling shitty drivers on the road and all the out of state freaks(#BigTourismArea),  getting ready to hop out the whip and throw some hands anytime people try to be aggressive with their driving, keeping throwables in my passenger seat for when dipshits try to pull up, last week some retard kept trying to race every single vehicle he drove past being super aggressive so I merged into his lane at the end to force him off the road, slamming breaks for tailgaters and light flickers, catching up to people who honk at me at red lights and popping out the car asking what it was like though and watching them cower in their vehicles, running the yellow frequently, squeezing my car into awkward spots parking directly next to and door to door with people who double park in prime parking areas so they can't get in their car properly, pulling back in front of people who cut me off and cut them off and put the car in a full stop.



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Some time ago I was out running errands in my dad's car, some idiot was raising chickens in the middle of what was supposed to be a neighborhood I was driving through and one decided to pop right in front of my car so I ran it over, instead of stopping freaked out and kept going while feathers blew off the car and when I got home I just told my dad I hit a bird while I was wiping the blood off the car, I guess I didn't lie


Few things from high school:


Lots of just trollish shit people did to each other in high school, we had different uniforms for different halves of the year so one of the things was that we had a button dress shirt with a pocket with the abbreviation for our school on it during spring/beginning of summer before we got out, someone decided that it was a good idea for us to rip each other's pockets off and one time a guy I know ended up coming to class with half of a shirt. I don't think I ever tore anyone's shirt but definitely yoinked a lot of pockets off expensive uniform shirts. Another thing that was popular was taking everything out of someone's backpack, flipping it inside out, putting all the stuff back in and zipping it back shut with the zippers on the inside which was a pain in the ass to fix. Did this a fair bit. Some people brought zip ties to tie the zippers together inside so you'd have to cut through the tie with scissors or something (i never did this), sometimes we would also send peoples' backpacks up the flag pole (I was involved in this once or twice.) To be fair though the pocket and backpack stuff also happened to me.


We often ate outside especially junior/senior year and it was a common thing to throw food between various groups or between seniors/juniors and one time I hit probably one of the nicest girls in the school in the head with a little paper cup of ketchup and felt horrible and ended up being forced to write her an apology letter (I wanted to apologize anyways but I was in high school so there was zero chance I was writing an apology letter without being forced to)


If we got caught doing dumb shit like yelling in the halls or not being in uniform or whatever else outside of class and a teacher who didn't know us asked our name, we'd give them someone else's name. Don't think anyone every actually got in trouble for it though. One time I gave a teacher my friend's name when he was standing right next to me though, he wasn't thrilled about that


Junior year someone decided to start the practice of "nut tapping" each other which was literally just hitting each other in the balls, we were in an assembly one day and I got my friend next to me as we were supposed to stand up and then again later that day while he was eating, he definitely got me back tho


I guess a lot of this stuff is in the past, not really something i'd do today and mostly involved other people doing the same shit in the name of fucking around while we were kids/teenagers but looking back a lot of it was pretty dickish lmao. Then again, high schoolers are kind of dicks? As far as I know everyone involved in that nonsense is on good terms now and I still talk to a few of them on a rare occasion.


Like 2 years or something ago was out with some friends and had finished all my drinks, he hands me a beer as a joke and I go to chug it but it's just foam left since he decided to fuck with me, foam basically punched me in the uvula and I threw up all over the side of his truck which we were standing next to, took a picture of it and sent it to all of our friends on snapchat. He was also my ride and on the way home I kept fucking with him like I was going to throw up again on him / in the car. For whatever reason he decided to not wash the vomit off and left some of it there thinking the rain would take care of it and it ended up peeling some paint off his truck but I don't think he was too bothered since it was almost as old as him and on its last legs


In modern day I guess there isn't a ton since i've grown up a lot, especially in the past 2-3 years. But covid killing off so many aspects of life currently is probably a large contributor to that too. 










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Trolling customers who used to make some outlandish demands over the smallest of issues or no issues at all. More specifically people who dont read their contracts and sign up to like a 24/36 month contracts and then claim that we lied to them or misled them.  


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