Tempest vs Beyond Control | The Night Before Christmas

**≈Vanuckle** · December 23, 2021

Tempest vs Beyond Control

THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the spot
Not a creature was stirring, not even the clan rot;
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,
In hopes that Tempest Seamen soon would be there;

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of plus-ones danced through their heads;
With mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my shuck,
Had just settled down for a long winter's fuck.

When out in the wild there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to east rocks I flew like a flash,
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to juicy loot below,
When, what to my wondering eyes should appear?
But a mass full of Tempest, and @Steikas holding a beer.

With a little old driver, a red hat on his head,
I knew in a moment that it had to be Ned.
More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

"Now, DANEX! now, DANI! now, CASEY and KURA!
On, FENIX! on FIRE! on, STEWIE and KEIRA!
To the top of East Light! To the top of the wall!
Now barrage away! Barrage away! Barrage away all!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,
So up to the GDZ the seamen they flew,
With the sacks full of loot, and St. Dnd too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard in the trees,
The shaking and knocking of each of their knees.
As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
Down the clan BC came with a bound.

They were dressed all in dhide, from their head to their foot,
And their clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;
A bundle of brews they died with in their packs,
Don't hate me for saying it, I'm just stating facts.

Their eyes -- how they froze! Their hands were all stuck!
Their feet without toes, they were shit out of luck!
Their droll little mouths were drawn up like a bow,
And the colour of their skin was as white as the snow;

We punched and punched until they had no more teeth,
We felt so bad that our swords we did sheath.

They were chubby and plump, some right jolly old elves,
And we laughed when we saw them, in spite of ourselves;

A crack of their neck and a twist of their head,
Soon gave us to know we had nothing to dread;

They spoke not a word, but went straight to their graves,
As we put them in ice cubes; and hit them with staves,
Ned laid his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up to Greaters we rose;

He opened his teamspeak, to his team, gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like they were shot from a missle,
But I heard him exclaim, 'ere he drove out of sight,
MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!

Yes, we're now a part of Runescape Canon.